- Hawkeye: War isn't Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse.
- Father Mulcahy: How do you figure, Hawkeye?
- Hawkeye: Easy, Father. Tell me, who goes to Hell?
- Father Mulcahy: Sinners, I believe.
- Hawkeye: Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chalk full of them - little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander
Happy 76th birthday Alan Alda
I will not carry a gun…. I’ll carry your books, I’ll carry a torch, I’ll carry a tune, I’ll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I’ll even hari-kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!” - Hawkeye Pierce